How Long Will This Walk Take?
It was late afternoon, and I got a call from my bride. You need to deal with YOUR oldest daughter when you get home. *I find it very interesting that our kids seem to belong to me when mischief is afoot. * My bride proceeded to explain that my daughter had cut her hair with the scissors that were in my Dopp kit. The problem was multiplied because I just sat down with her the day prior because her sheared hair was all over the floor!
As a parent, it is easy to quickly let your frustration or exasperation overflow and say something you will later regret. I chose a different option. When I got home, I asked my daughter to join me for a walk. As soon as we took off, my daughter started talking about anything and everything but the fact that she cut her hair again – even though I am fairly confident that she knew the reason behind this walk together. When we missed our normal turns, she turned and asked me when we would start turning back towards home. I responded, “we will continue to walk until you tell me everything I need to know.” She deflated like a carnival bounce house with the blower turned off.
This young girl quickly pivoted to elusively tell me about how she cut her hair. On the surface, I was pleased that she confessed what she had done, but I wanted more. I wanted my daughter’s heart. I honestly don’t care about what she did, I wanted to know why. A little better than a mile later, I had her heart! She chose to cut her hair because she wanted shorter hair just like Mom. To summarize her words, she was “sneakily cutting her hair” because she thought that she would have been turned down if she asked. That was the point we turned around to walk another 1.5 miles back home. My daughter’s next assignment was much easier. When we got home, my daughter had to apologize to my bride. She also had to ask my bride to cut her hair BECAUSE she wanted beautiful short hair just like Mom.
Questions to Ponder
There were many applications that I took away from my daughter’s experience. I’ll share three. First, the book of Proverbs tells us that “the tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly”. Second, the book of James Instructs us that we all must “be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” Third, the book of Proverbs informs us that “A kind response turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” I am by no means saying that I am perfect, but consider this…
When was the last time you tried to cover up your offense against somebody using so many words that you effectively convicted yourself? How did that experience provide you with unity or put distance between the relationship?
When was the last time you were offended? Were you quick to listen? Slow to speak? Slow to become angry? Did you offer to “walk as long it would take to learn everything you needed to know”?
What is the hardest part about listening first to understand rather than to be understood? How will you improve?
To the road long traveled but seldomly traveled!